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My Boyfriend the Vampire

 My husband and I separated last May 2010. Very soon after I began dating a friend of mine whom I quickly fell in love with. To make the long story short, I broke up with my new love twice to try to work things out with my husband. Not because I really wanted to, but because I felt it was the right thing to do for my two small daughters. I always knew I loved my new boyfriend more, but it was such a vulnerable time for me….I felt so guilty and my family was so manipulative (they were angry with me for leaving my husband and made me feel guilty and manipulated me every way they could) that I just let them make decisions for me. I should have stood up for myself, but I didn’t. In the process, I hurt my new love very much. He was always there for me when I needed him and a few times when he needed me, I was not emotionally available. We broke up in January of this year and I still love him very much. I miss him and what he had terribly. We never stopped talking and lately he has been around more, but for the past few months before May, he treated me badly. I feel like he is making me pay for what I put him through. I understand that I could have treated him better. But I also feel that he should understand that it was a very difficult time for me. We both understand NOW, and agree that we should have never jumped into a relationship as fast as we did after my separation, but what’s done is done. Now, I know he still loves me, but he is acting like he’s afraid or confused about the way he feels about me. He has agreed to let me in again, but he definitely has the upper hand and everything is always his way or the highway. He was very good to me in the beginning. And I screwed it up. And, I guess that is why I am allowing him to treat me this way. I feel guilty and still love him very much. So, what I am UNDECIDED about, is whether or not I should continue to allow him to treat me this way in hopes that soon he’ll change his mind and decide to get back with me and we can go back to what we used to have OR if I should just make peace with myself, let him go and HOPE that I will meet another guy just as great as he is, or better.

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